Being Alone for the First Time

I'm aware this idea of moving to North Carolina for the summer was mine. I wanted to escape Ohio and snow and get the hell away from the depression Goblin. What I hadn't counted on was how much it was going to suck to leave my kids. I'd been so concerned about how they were going to take being away from me for a month I hadn't thought about how I'd feel being away from them. That thought didn't hit me until about a week before I was scheduled to leave. Contracts were signed, rent had been paid, there was no backing out. That's when I started to panic. A whole month without my kids?! Without my dogs?! Alone?!

Wait...alone? Hmm. Maybe alone is good. I wouldn't know. I've never lived alone. I went from my Mom's house to being the Mom of the house. I've been a Mom for 25 years...I have no frame of reference here. Maybe alone is good.

I hugged all four kids, put happy cow in the car and drove off valiantly fighting back tears. A battle quickly lost. No kids. No finding a blue crayon has gone through the wash the hard way. No peanut butter in my hair. No fruitless searches for my favorite shirt only to find it months later in the trunk of my daughters car...Hmm. Again, I have no frame of reference but maybe alone is good.

It took about three hours in my new home to come to the decision that alone is not for me. It's so quiet. Too quiet. Quiet in a house with four kids and three dogs is never a good thing. Quiet makes me uneasy. I started doing a running dialogue of my every move just to have noise.

"Okay, I guess I'll go into the kitchen now." 

"Maybe I'll have pizza for dinner." 

"Back to the living room." 

"I really need to stop talking to myself out loud." 

five seconds later

"Guess I should shower." 

Sadly, I'm not kidding or embellishing. I miss my kids terribly but I'm doing this to improve quality of life for all of us. At the very least we'll have a great summer by the beach. I plan to spend my time before they get here finding amazing things for us to do together. 

"It's late. I should really get to bed."